We were put into a room at the back of the labour ward. It has a double bed, bathroom, sofa, tea and coffee its like the consellation room.
We spent the next few days in hospital as I was quite poorly, inside I felt scared to face up to what had actually happened to me, to us. Within 8 hours our lives had been broken forever. I remember we cried alot, we had visits from close family and friends. We found it was better when people were with us, giving us a distraction. We named our angel Summer, this really was our name from day one and it fitted beautifully. The care we had from the staff at Hillingdon Hospital was faultless, such kind, caring midwives who helped us through a horrific few days.
Its very hard to get your head round, to believe the tradegy that had sprung its ugly head in my life. Thoughts were running through my head, what had i done to deserve this? should I have known? How as a Mother could I not protect my baby from this?
We were told she had to have a post mortem, I didnt want this but it turns out they can do it without our consent so we were better off agreeing to it. It meant she was being moved around, alone, a feeling that tore my heart apart.
I had had an acute complete placental abruption, all the blood I lost had come from Summer and she was starved of oxygen and blood which affected all of her organs and mostly her brain. The hosptial did everything they could, from the bleed at home to her delivery was just under 50 minutes but that was too long.
Now we had to face decisions, ones the majority of people will never ever face, do we bury our baby or have her cremated? A funeral to organise, funeral songs to pick, people to tell. II found this really hard, I didnt want to do it, it made me angry why, why did this happen? Summers Dad was amazing he took control of everything and kept me strong. We chose a celebrant for her service, and invited only close friends and family. I didnt want people coming for the sake of it to see us suffering, people who werent interested in the pregnancy but wanted to come to her service. No. I didnt care if people were upset or not. This was our goodbye, this was our daughters time. We also decided not to have people send flowers, but to make a donation to the hospital neonatal department. We wanted to give something back to those who had helped all of us in our time of need. People were so kind and so generous I was overwhelmed.
