The day our lives changed forever....

The day is 23rd November I was a week over due and extremely uncomfortable, my hips hurt, my ribs hurt, my skin on my tummy hurt, even her movements hurt me! I was sooooo looking forward to actually meeting my baby I was feeling impatient. The day was tuesday and I went down to the hospital maternity triage at 8am for my sweep. I wasnt sure what to expect,I was never scared of pain but then nothing about labour & birth had ever frightened me. I saw the midwife who checked her heartbeat "nice and strong" she said then I had my sweep. I must say it wasn't the nicest thing I'd ever had done, it wasnt painful just uncomfortable. She told me she could feel her head which sent butterflies of excitment inside me "yes everything is going as it should, your body is doing what it should, you're 2cm dilated and your cervix is soft. Great I thought labour is imminent!! As I left they booked me in for 2 days time for another sweep although the midwife said to me on way out "you'll be extremely unlucky if you dont go into labour today"

Wow I thought, Im going to have my baby, no more just me, never again would I have a feeling of being alone it was always going to be the 3 of us. I knew we would leave her rarely, our first night out was booked 6th July 2011 to see Take That at Wembley she would be 7 months, thats ok I thought I'll let my Mum look after her.

That day I sat at home with my Mum while my better half was working. We waited and waited, I wasnt sure what I was expecting, something out of a film maybe? Instant pain which made me yelp? Waters gushing over the floor? Neither. My Mum stayed until about 6pm we all had fish & chips and my bump was going crazy!! She was the most active baby, she moved all day everyday, I first felt her move at 16 weeks, she was always on the go, I felt like I knew her personality already, a fidget haha! thats how I kept track she was ok, if I went a few hours in the day of not feeling her I would have fizzy sweets or fresh OJ and lay down and there she'd go! Limbs were literally visable through my skin and I loved every minute of it.

That night we went to bed about 10pm, although its very hard to get comfy enough to sleep when your 9 months pregnant propped up with pillows etc. Also all I kept thinking was I'm going to have our baby tonight and my mind wouldnt let me sleep. Throughout the last 8 weeks I had constant braxton hicks like my bump had been vaccum packed and it would make me unable to move. So when I was lying in bed I got one, but it was nothing new. although I did check the time 10.30pm just incase it was a contraction. I started to get some pains with this and I started to feel anxious, was it wasn't it? Am i going into labour or not? Come on, I couldnt wait to meet her :)

After another 3 or 4 tightennings and pains for over an hour, I suddenley felt a huge gush, it was warm and felt like it wasnt stopping, I woke my other half "this is it my waters have broken, Im scared" he came to me kissed me and told me not to worry and she was finally coming. I sat on the edge of my bed waiting for it to stop (as I thought if I stand up I'll just make a mess on the floor) after a few minutes when it stopped I stood up I looked at the towell I had been laying (incase my waters broke I didnt want to ruin my matress) but I didnt see any water, it was blood, to think now I dont know how much there was i just saw alot of thick fresh blood on the towell. I screamed "its blood its blood" I knew it was bad, I knew we had no time. Ive heard too many horror stories and watched to many baby progammes I knew this was life or death, what I didnt know was who's life, mine or hers. We ran down the stairs into the car without even picking up our phones. the journey to the hospital felt like miles when its only a few minutes drive. I remember feeling terrified in the car urging to feel her move, come on baby please just give me a kick, we were getting there quickly, we pulled up outside, left the car doors open and ran into maternity unit.

I had put a white teatowell between my legs, as we walked into the reception there was a midwife, "please help me please" she ushered us into the labour ward establishing details from me, how many weeks was I? Was this my first baby? I cant tell you what was going through my head, I was terrified and panicking but I wasn't allowing myself to think. I remember seeing the teatowell, it should of been white but it wasn't it was sodden. I remember looking at my boyfriend in true fear, he continued  to comfort me and tell me it was ok.

There was organised chaos in the room, lots of people all doing their own thing, they were telling me to calm down and i remember inhaling on the gas and air but I didnt want it, thats wasn't going to make my baby ok! They couldnt find her heartbeat with the doppler or the mobile scanner. We're going to break your waters and put a clip on your baby's head to see if she's still alive. No. What did they mean how could my baby not be alive? There are no words to describe that fear, they broke my waters and picked up her heartbeat albeit very slow. With that I was gone, i knew what was coming, they were rushing me so fast down the corridor "we're going to give you a c section ok?" I didnt care what they had to do just get her out please and make sure she's ok. I remember closing my eyes not wanting to be in the chaos I didnt want to hear bad news. I lay in theatre with people running everywhere, I remember telling them to hurry up, it felt like everyone was moving in slow motion. All I could think was just put me to sleep so i wake up with my baby. My boyfriend couldnt come with me as I was having a general anestetic, I felt so alone. I rememeber going to sleep and feeling a sense of relief to be out of this nightmare.