After losing Summer, I lost all faith in life, in the world, in myself. What kind of person can't do what God made me do? I let her down. How? I dont know. But I did. A full abruption at that stage affects 1 in 827 people, why am I that 1? There are no answers. The post mortem proved she was healthy, I was healthy and so was the placenta there was NO reason why this happened. Ive found this hard to take in no rhyme no reason but they chose my baby to take away from me.
I came home feeling scared, scared of being alone, scared of life, scared of what was coming for me next. Looking back now I wish I had let my Mum and my sisters meet our little girl she was part of their lives to, but at the time i couldnt, I felt like I had failed again. I'd dissappointed, how do i show people my dead baby. Now everyday I wish they could of met her, but it was a decision we made at the time and I cant change it.
The kindness we received was undescribable, the love people showed us, I can never thank everyone for. The generosity of donations, kind messages, gestures, gifts, meals, it trully kept me going. It restored my faith a little in life, that people can be so kind and so caring.
