Im not sure what I want to say in this post. There are a few things I wanted to talk about.
I wanted to take this oppourtunity to thank from our hearts family and friends who so kindly donated onto Summer just giving page, we have raised £3800 for Hillingdon Hospital Neonatal Unit. We wanted them to buy a piece of equipment which they used to help our Summer in her time of need. They have ordered a Neopuff - Manual Infant Rescusitator which we are just awaiting the delivery and then we will go back to unit to see it. We really flet it a fitting tribute to Summer and it was close to Christmas time and we didnt want peope to spend money on flowers which would sit at the Crematorium and be thrown away. We are so proud of this achievment.
As life moves on Im at the stage now where friends who found out they were pregnant around the time I lost Summer are now having their babies this is hard as it means she's been gone for as long as she was ever coming. I dont have a problem with people and their babies it's a common misconception that people think it upsets me, which it doesnt really because I don't want anyone elses baby. Although I do think why did you get your baby and I didnt? I often find its the parents that are insensitive and thats what difficult not the babies. The hardest bit was leaving the hospital with a white box instead of a baby. The pain inside was just overwhelming. I still sometimes even get angry looking at her pictures and they are all we will ever have, we'll never get a chance to take more.
As I walk around each day I feel that people are starring at me, Ill always be 'that girl who lost her baby' I'm now in an exclusive club of Angel Mummies which we would all rather not be in, but I am. I have met some amazing courageous women, who are an inspiration and I wouldnt of met them if it wasn't for Summer. I like to think that us being friends means all our angels will be together until we get there.
I try so hard to believe in an afterlife and angels, but if truth be known I don't know if I do. I want so much to believe she is at peace and is happy and waiting for me, I wish I would get a sign a clear cut sign she's with me. Ive been to see mediums and spiritulists in the hope to find my way in life again. So far well...........Im still a little bit lost.
Alot of people try to help by encouraging me to be grateful for the things I do have, and I am, my amazing relationship with my boyfriend, my family, my health. My response to that though is if I said that all to you, but you'll never see your child again, would you be excited?grateful? The answer is no.
I found help from The Child Bereavement Charity who I see on a regular basis, there is a link on my homepage.
I dont know if I will ever trully feel happiness in our hearts again or feel 'normal'..............
I wanted to take this oppourtunity to thank from our hearts family and friends who so kindly donated onto Summer just giving page, we have raised £3800 for Hillingdon Hospital Neonatal Unit. We wanted them to buy a piece of equipment which they used to help our Summer in her time of need. They have ordered a Neopuff - Manual Infant Rescusitator which we are just awaiting the delivery and then we will go back to unit to see it. We really flet it a fitting tribute to Summer and it was close to Christmas time and we didnt want peope to spend money on flowers which would sit at the Crematorium and be thrown away. We are so proud of this achievment.
As life moves on Im at the stage now where friends who found out they were pregnant around the time I lost Summer are now having their babies this is hard as it means she's been gone for as long as she was ever coming. I dont have a problem with people and their babies it's a common misconception that people think it upsets me, which it doesnt really because I don't want anyone elses baby. Although I do think why did you get your baby and I didnt? I often find its the parents that are insensitive and thats what difficult not the babies. The hardest bit was leaving the hospital with a white box instead of a baby. The pain inside was just overwhelming. I still sometimes even get angry looking at her pictures and they are all we will ever have, we'll never get a chance to take more.
As I walk around each day I feel that people are starring at me, Ill always be 'that girl who lost her baby' I'm now in an exclusive club of Angel Mummies which we would all rather not be in, but I am. I have met some amazing courageous women, who are an inspiration and I wouldnt of met them if it wasn't for Summer. I like to think that us being friends means all our angels will be together until we get there.
I try so hard to believe in an afterlife and angels, but if truth be known I don't know if I do. I want so much to believe she is at peace and is happy and waiting for me, I wish I would get a sign a clear cut sign she's with me. Ive been to see mediums and spiritulists in the hope to find my way in life again. So far well...........Im still a little bit lost.
Alot of people try to help by encouraging me to be grateful for the things I do have, and I am, my amazing relationship with my boyfriend, my family, my health. My response to that though is if I said that all to you, but you'll never see your child again, would you be excited?grateful? The answer is no.
I found help from The Child Bereavement Charity who I see on a regular basis, there is a link on my homepage.
I dont know if I will ever trully feel happiness in our hearts again or feel 'normal'..............
