Where it all began...

Back in March 2010 was one of the happiest/scariest days of my life....... I wee'd on a stick!! And there it was two lines strong and clear. I was sitting on my own in the public toilets of Sainsburys!

I honestly couldn't of been happier as I had finally found the love of my life and now this, is this really happening? However the fear soon started to kick in. I had suffered a few years earlier from an eptopic pregancy which lead to a Salpingectomy (surgery to remove the feotus and my right fallopian tube). I knew this reduced my chances of concieving nevertheless, here I was pregnant. So we went straight to the hospital for a blood test, I was very anxious as we had to wait a few days for an internal scan to confirm this pregnancy was ok, I was thinking the worst but my partner was very optimistic and reassured me.

Sure enough at 5 weeks we saw the amniotic sack with a tiny flicker.......it was a heartbeat. What a surreal feeling I never thought I was lucky enough to become Mummy....

My pregnancy was text book all the way along, apart from having a huge bump (as my frame is pretty small, I looked like Mr Bump) both of our our scans were perfect, at the anomolly scan I couldn't believe what I was seeing, MY baby there inside me, arms,legs, strong heartbeat the baby even looked at the camera and yawned haha what an amazing feeling. I had always thought from a young age that when I had a baby I want to find out the sex. I'm a very organised person and like to be perpared I personally dont understand people who don't want to know? It was still a surprise for us at 20 weeks as much as it would of been at full term? Anyway the sonographer turned to us and said " Im 98% sure its a baby girl" OMG fan-bloody-tastic we were going to have our own little girl to love, most definately one of the best days of our lives! Needless to say we went shopping that day and yes everything was PINK!

My pregnancy went on uneventful, I looked after myself, I ate well (which was a first) I had given up smoking within 2 days of doing the pregnancy test, I went for walks, took all my vitamins I did everything by the book. In my head I was always anxious, I cant describe the feeling, it was a feeling of disbelief, that I was never going to have a baby, I could never imagine having her here to love and look after for the rest of my life, in a way I felt like I was being a surrogate - because things like this dont happen to me, Im not lucky enough to have a baby. I remember having my 36 week check and telling my midwife I was more scared for the last few weeks than in the beginning because I new 2 girls who tragically lost their babies at nearly full term. She said alot of first time Mums feel like that and I had nothing to worry about. Well I didnt or did I? I rememeber telling anyone that would listen that I just wanted her out so I could see her and I knew she was safe.....I lasted to 41 weeks