JUST MARRIED

So here I am.......

Married! A few weeks ago, I did something that "normal" people do, I got married. For those reading this who have also suffered such a loss as babyloss, you will understand my feelings of achievement.

On one of my earlier posts this year, I mentioned how affraid i was to plan my wedding, not because I was afraid of getting married but because I was afraid it wouldnt happen. I spent the last 4 months fearing the worst about everyone I love and care about, I was convinced something awful and something tragic was going to happen and I wouldn't get my wedding.

These feelings steam from losing a child, particularly at the later stages of pregnancy when you make the assumption nothing would go wrong now, and if it did your baby would be saved. As you know this wasn't the case for me, the situation for me was surrounded by, tradegy, panic, suffering, distress and emergency. So whey should I not assume the same would happen again?

My dream has always been to get married and have a family, not much, I've never been a huge career girl, or wanted loads of money I just wanted what "normal" people have. Something thats so easy and natural for us as women, but I couldn't do it, I couldn't keep our baby safe, now what if I couldn't keep my fiance safe? Or my Mum or sisters, my niece or nephews?? Where does it end, the last few months have been a constant battle my with myself...............in my own head the hardest battle of all.

I found it very hard that people would say to me "dont worry, everything will be fine" or "oh god don't be so negative" its my right to feel like this after what we have been through, so I tried not to say anything as I found people reactions completely insensitive to the situation.

I will never in my life, in any situation assume anything or take anyone or anything for granted.

But hey! I did it I had an amazing wedding day and couldnt quite believe that it happened it was such a special day, it was very small with our immediate families only, any bigger celebration just didnt feel right, I had my Aching Arms bear there, and Summer was mentioned often, I only wish she was there being our flower girl in a gorgeous dress!

I know she was right there with us sharing the love - the orbs in the pictures told us she was there.

So from here on in with my new name, new identity I have made the decision that married me has nothing but good luck!

Finger Crossed

Summer Always & Forever